In my own dictionary a word such as crazicism exists and I defined it as those funny, crazy, witty and irritating moments put together. As for the mashed potato, I'm not referring to the food itself, I don't even eat mashed potato, I don't like it at all. When I say mashed potato that could only mean something cheesy is going on and well I'm not a very cheesy person, not on an daily basis.
There are days when I'm too damn bored I get to remember certain things I've said and done and I thought I'd put some of them in here. They're not all guaranteed to make the readers laugh, some are not even amusing at all, but I just feel like writing these stuff just the same.
Prof: This class is of royalty, I'm amazed. We have an Earl, a Princess, a Prince and a Queen!
Me: (I grinned at Princess who's sitting beside me.) Prince and Earl?? Earl is really cute!
Princess: Laughs
Prof: Earl and Prince will both of you come forward? Two guys stood up, looking embarrassed.
Prof: Now will you guys take the seat at the back of Queen and Princess, you guys over there find another seat.
Me: What?!!
Prof: You have any questions Ms. Queen?
Me: None, though we're incomplete, where's the King, the Duke, the Count, Duchess, Lady, Lord. This is hardly a royal court. (the whole class burst out laughing)
Prof: You'll have to make do with a small court, your highness.
Classmate: Queeeeen, stop running, you're wearing heels!
Me: I'm in a hurry, I'm already late for my next class.
Classmate: You gonna break those legs.
Me: I won't, these are just 3 inches!!
And thud!! I did not break my legs, but I did get a minor sprain from falling from the stairs. I had a good landing as well, I landed right in front of crush! :S
Years ago I was working on a night shift doing a marketing job for a US based company and I usually go home with a friend who's working on another department. One morning I was pretty beaten up as I only had 3 hours of sleep and had to put in an extra 2 hours of work. Fortunately, my friend had to work overtime as well so we still head home together. I was already groggy as we rode the bus and my friend pulled me in a sit located at the back of the driver. Much to everyone's surprised (& amusement) I blurted out (real loud) "I don't wanna seat there, there's a hump!" I was actually referring to the protruding part that serves as an allowance for the wheels, or whatever that is. I honestly don't have any idea, what you call that stuff. Anyways, when I started walking towards the seats at the back of the bus I saw people giggling at me and my friend was also laughing at me. I rolled my eyes at her as we were taking our seats and then I burst out laughing as well, and just like that I'm totally wide awake again. Totally better than 2 cups of coffee!XD
Headhunter: If you're looking for excellent opportunities just let me know. You may reach me 27/7.
Me: huh?
Headhunter: I always have my phone with me you can call me anytime. 27/7
Me: ok sure. (surely not! 27/7?! That's not even remotely possible on planet Earth! I wouldn't wanna work for some Martians, there are tons of aliens around here already.) And most definitely I wouldn't wanna work for a worse slave driver than myself.
Starbucks crew: Ma'am, can I have your name please?
Me: Sure, its Queen.
Starbucks crew: I'm sorry ma'am, what's that?
Me: Qu-eeen.
Starbucks crew: (looking clueless) come again ma'am
Me: Anne, its Anne.
Starbucks crew: Ok thanks!
Me: There, that made both of our lives easier.
Headhunter (from another company): How are you?
Me: Good, just pretty busy.
Headhunter: Why are you busy?
Me: uh, coz I'm working...
Headhunter: Yes, but busy??
Me: (rolling my eyes in front of my pc, like duh?!) had tons of requirements right now, multiple clients, aren't you working on any requirements?
Headhunter: yeah
Me: So why aren't you busy??
Headhunter: Just don't feel like working today.
Me: Well there's your answer, (duh?!!)
Persistent Applicant: Is it possible for us to have a quick chat maybe at Starbucks?
Me: hmmm... yeah, but then again we already had a phone interview, I already have a fairly good idea about what sort of industry you're looking at and right now we don't have a job match for you.
Persistent Applicant: Yes, but I'd like to discuss more about my career plans and my other interests.
Me: (other interest ha,) Well I'm sure we could set another phone interview for that, maybe once I have a career opportunity for you.
Persistent Applicant: Can we not meet, have coffee and have a chat even just for 15 minutes?? I'd really like to talk to you.
Me: (already irritated) I have a busy schedule at the moment, maybe we could arrange something next week.
Persistent Applicant: Yes, but I'd rather meet with you.
Me: (So not keen on that idea) Do you want to meet up with me because you want to have a quick chat about your profile or about my profile?!
Persistent Applicant: Err... yes, um no, Well I'm just curious about you. You have a beautiful smile.
Me: (Uh huh...) Well thank you for that, but I prefer to have a professional meeting agenda with clients and candidates. If you'd like to discuss more about your self then we could set a brief skype meeting sometime next week or I could just give you another phone call. But right now I'm really busy.
Persistent Applicant: Oh ok. You sure, you don't want to have coffee with me?
Me: (100% sure!) I'm actually acidic.
Colleague: So how's work so far?
Me: Pretty cool.
Colleague: So what made you pursue this Industry?
Me: hmm... the people, I just generally like talking and meeting people
Colleague: But your course in college was pre-med right?
Me: Yeah, sort of...
Colleague: So what happened to med school? Can't take the sight of blood?
Me: Not really, I just don't like cutting people up. I like them alive and talking, like you.
Colleague: Ohhh.... I see (looking a little freaked out)
"I never meant to kiss you, but after spending a couple of hours with you that night I just want to kiss you right there and then. I didn't do it because I'm not sure if you'll be ok with it. Now after kissing you, I'm glad I waited and I want more than just to kiss you." I think I almost hyperventilated after hearing this. This is the sweetest thing I've ever heard from a guy. What melt my heart was the fact that this guy swept me off my feet from the first time I saw him.
Mom: (talking to my 6 yr old nephew) Don't go home anymore with your parents, stay here with me and your aunties.
Nephew: I don't like!
Mom: Why? I'm nice towards you, aren't I?
Nephew: No, you're not nice you're a nagger.
Me: (LMAO) big time! Kids just don't lie!XD
The elevator was already closing as my colleague was about to enter and she went like "waaaaah", with both hands in front of her face.
Me: (LMAO) That's a very good way of opening an elevator door, maybe more effective than the button over here.
Bouncer: Sir, cigarettes are not allowed inside. None smoking area.
Guy Friend: (scratches head and gave up his cigarettes) ok
Bouncer: Lighters are not allowed inside as well.
Guy Friend: Glared at the guy but surrendered his lighter as well.
We entered the venue and we can't hardly breathe, the smoke, the light, the teeming crowd - totally suffocating! My guy friend was practically annoyed. Halfway through the show I decided to light a stick as well (I was still an occasional smoker at that time).
Guy Friend: WTF?!! You have your cigarettes with you?!
Me: Yes, and my lighter too, oh, as well as this bottle of water.
Guy Friend: So they did not confiscate anything from you?
Me: (grinning) Nope
Guy Friend: WTF??!!
Me: (shrugging) Smiling helps, guess that confirms the bouncer isn't gay.
Close Guy Friend: (addressing me and my bff over at dinner) So would either of you consider a threesome?
Me: Hmm... maybe
BFF: Yeah I guess.
Close Guy Friend: Looking at me, what would you prefer, 2 girls or 2 guys?
Me: 2 chicks and 1 guy. I don't wanna end up being harassed and totally sore!
Close Guy Friend: Looking at my bff, what about you?
BFF: (responding immediately) 2 guys! I can't imagine doing it with a girl.
Me: Arching my left brow, 2 guys?? Like omg?!! Anyways what about you A?
Close Guy Friend: I'd go for 2 girls, I think most guys would prefer that.
Me: So that's chick, chick boy for you as well. Then gasps all of a sudden, hey we're chick, chick boy right now.
My friends both turned towards me looking surprised, then we all burst out laughing. So I'm the chick, chick girl, BFF is boy, boy, chick and Close Guy Friend is the chick, chick boy!XD
One evening I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for my date, it was raining hard that time and I'm already getting a bit worried. I was about to call him to ask where he is and to move our date to a day when the weather is more permissible when I saw him entering the restaurant. He's all drenched (but still looking gorgeous, like unbelievable!). I stood up and he walked hurriedly to my side to kiss me, oblivious to the people around me. (That totally made me blush though made me feel proud inside.)
Me: You're all drenched, you could have just waited for the rain to subside a bit or we could have just moved our date to another day.
SS: (reached out for my hand and held it) It's ok, I don't want to keep you waiting here, besides I'd much rather get drench than not see you. We've been too busy lately, I really want to spend sometime with you right now.
Me: Well I just smiled. What can I say to that? My heart positively flutters. I felt like one of those swooning and totally swept off damsels in distress from those best-seller books (the not so dumb and helpless version that is).
Company Director: Your name is Queen??!
Me: Yes, why?
Company Director: Wtf?! What kind of parents would name their daughter, Queen?
Me: (well wtf as well, what kind of parents would raise such a rude person??) My parents.
Company Director: Yes, I can see that. It's only in this country you'll get to find such stuff. Crazy people.
Me: (what a fkcing racist!) I'll take that as a compliment. If you have a problem with my name well there's nothing I can do about it. Let's just get this meeting done and over with.
Company Director: Very well.
I did not lose my job after that incident but I mostly ended up arguing with that jack**s Director. When I finally resigned he actually emailed an apology for that incident.
Lady friend: We'll have to go light so try not to bring a lot of stuff with you.
Me: Hard stuff!
Lady friend: I'll help you up, what would you mostly need?
Me: Hair dryer, flats, my boots, lots of undies, my....
Lady friend: Why do you need your boots?!
Me: Its comfy and stylish, would go well with casuals and dresses.
Lady friend: Boots and dresses. FML!
LMAO
Teambuilding
Me, singing Hanging by a Moment...
I turned and look at my boss.
Me: Do I really have to walk over that inch wide of a rope??
Boss: Yes, its part of the activity.
Me: (FML, I'm gonna die now.) Can I like resign now???
Boss: Sure.
Me: Ok. Quitting now
Come my turn
Me: (Screams) Noooooo I can't do this! Looked at my boss who was standing by my side and toss the gloves to him, and push him towards the starting point. "Go, go, go!"
Its a good thing my former boss is pretty cool, I didn't get fired or anything. Whew!XD
Persistent Suitor: I could give you anything you want.
Me: Since when did you become the King of the world?
Persistent Suitor: Do you want the world?
Me: Not really. I never have any thoughts about world domination, you know. I'm not a sociopath.
Persistent Suitor: Walked away, wincing.
That awkward moment when you're gushing about your crush who is sitting not far from you and you didn't know that he can actually understand your language.
Piece of advice from a Guy Friend: If you gonna let a guy get in your pants then make sure that he knows the art of taking them off as opposed to just simply unzipping it and shoving it down. In short, make sure that he's worth it, that he totally charmed his way around you in a manly way, not just merely seduced you like a boy would into doing the deed.
